Something To Remember…October 5, 2008
By the time you reading this, I’m already in BATAM. Starting my first journey with my family.. the first time ever in my life i moved out permanently very far far away from Jakarta . However, now I want to share my wonderful experiences in this my new company and in this new island, Batam.
After I moved from PSN, I work with this French company in Batam. And these 3 month was the hardest 3 months ever. Many things that did not happen as I imagine before. Several things to say as with my current jobs. This company has a plenty of reporting which got to be made every end of the month, not to mention another costing request from France, Hongkong and singapore. Which make me even so hard just to breath freely. And many day in 1 week that I had to work until midnight. Because the deadline in this company truly means “Death Line”. Well, that just a short cover story of my new job now.
And now, here I am.. in a lovely afternoon on Iedul Fitri day and my Birthday also, the day where we should be gather together with our wife, Kids, family and Friends celebrating this day together, eating Ketupat, opor Ayam and Sambal Ati, and yet here i am alone in Batam. Sitting on the couch in one of the coffee shop at Megamall Batam Centre, accompanied only by my heavy company’s laptop and writing a blog.. because of my “Acting like A Bos” denied my compulsory leave just for the sake of the end month book closing duty that cannot be wait for any reason and got to run by my self. One of the task that I think it is has a little or no value added to my present job. So I had to give up.. I’d given up and put away my dream to be able to gather with my wife and kids in Jakarta, in order to keep put a food on the table for my family. What a BLOODY CONTROLLER WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR FAMILY, YOU STUPID JERK?!@
I often heard, the higher you’re then the stronger the wind. But is this a life i wanted for? despite of my good damn paycheck? How I determine the “balance” it self? Many times after I’ve stayed in Batam for almost 3 “bored and sweaty” month, deep inside my heart I often asked my self “What will my life would be if I get this amount of salary in Jakarta. Would my heart be unhappy either? But one thing for sure, I’m still waiting that there would be one moment someday that makes my mind clear to me and release my open heart to knew that someday, when I look back to the this present day as its in the past, these all happen to me just for the best. And God intended to “prepare” me to be ready for my next bigger journey somewhere, someday.
And there’s nothing that I can do for now accept to appreciate the happiness of the present and the mystery of tomorrow. Yes, perhaps this journey is not as easy and fun as I though. No Internet allowed, no silly act and yet laughing people during office hours, No flexible working hours, no best friends to sharing with and No time to seat in my respective wooden chair with my lovely wife and see the sunset together over my home and watching my kids playing in the garden like we used to be, when so many office’s “death line” fulfill my hand. God.. is this a cemetery or what?!
In short, I almost reaching an end to something I believed about everything I’ve envisioned before as I moved to this company, and to this bloody island either. YES they paid well.. very well I think so far and not to mention living cost reimbursement and 3-4times bonus every year. But are those compensations are worth to the stress I gain? Are those plenty money can be replaced my disappearing valuable time with my growing kids? at this point my heart and brain collide each other. This is a time when I feel I can’t wait to reach my end point of this time journey. There’s never.. never I ever feel so separated like this from my family before. Deep inside my heart I cried every time I give my paycheck to my wife. Only her smile and sound of exciting voice from my kids for his new expensive toys which make me to stand still until to day. And every time I look back to yesterday I apt to discounted all of those days in a week as a waste because of those bloody reports my hand. I used to dream isn’t it be good to work in truly International company, used to be love costing and design reporting.. but with these hundred type of reports and death lines.. IT AIN’T FUN NO MORE!
People like to say that we have to embrace and love our journey. Even the journey seem didn’t lead to as what we thought it should be. Well it does sound easy to talk but hard to do for me now.
Even I wrote this blog with a better understanding. After all of the life lesson I’ve learned, there are a reason for everything. For every curve in our road journey, for every climb up hills and for every moment we spent in the dark valley of our life, and for every sacrifices we give. I’m not gonna sad to know that the greatest prize in this journey doesn’t await me at the end, because the greatest prize was the journey it self. Its not about the earning, its not about me achieving a highest carrier in this company nor what I perceive as a goal is not what it turns out to be. But Its all about the lesson I learned and experienced along the journey. And no matter how was it at the end… this journey become a something that is worth to remember someday… even it taste bit a bitter at the beginning, but eventually at the end every fruit of patient would be taste so sweet. But still, those understanding isn’t easily applied at this moment. I’m just a man anyway Who has a feeling up side down, has a limitation and weakness. And here I am in the middle of the journey, alive. And perhaps I would understand one more time as I look at the rearview mirror someday in advance by reading this later.
Well at least for now i put it simple in my mind, I should be happy to have a “challenging and yet deadly” job with a good damn salary if I compare with another 15 Million people in Indonesia who still struggle to have a job. And at least at one point its relieving me that I’m not underpaid. Then I start to see from a different perspective. I’ve got to find another aspect in this journey, in this island which might I like as an attraction from the stress.
So My next writing in this blog would be all my wonderful journey in this island called.. Batam, “City of The Damned”.